


something sharp

by Taste_of_Suburbia



Category: I'll Sleep When I'm Dead (2003)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Depression, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hypothermia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Internal Conflict, Loss of Innocence, Rape Aftermath, Self-Hatred, Shame, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Trope Bingo Round 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-12 23:30:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18456857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taste_of_Suburbia/pseuds/Taste_of_Suburbia
Summary: He couldn’t lay here any longer.





	something sharp

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fill on my Trope Bingo [card](https://immolate-the-silence.dreamwidth.org/30129.html) for Loss of Innocence.

 

Cold slashed through him like a slow, dull knife, but there was a heavy, cloying numbness that followed too soon after. Davey fought against it initially, and then he welcomed it as it draped over him more thoroughly like a blanket, wrapped it tighter, clutched it, anything to get him out of his head.

He didn’t know what time of the day it was, couldn’t remember what he was supposed to be doing. He didn’t even really register where he was, in water yes, but as far as he was concerned he was still back there. Under their hands, just a toy for them to play with, at their nonexistent mercy.

_Will. Will’s somewhere… right?_

_Just can’t remember where._

_I should find him._

And the thought slipped away, Davey too stunned to try to grasp it, swept away by the cold and the humiliation and the  _agony_ of simply existing. 

Seconds slipped by, hours, days. Maybe it was weeks.

He couldn’t lay here any longer.

He couldn’t think about it anymore.

_Way out way out way out… there’s gotta be a way out._

An echo of his prior struggles, mere words, a prayer that hadn’t done him any good. But at least then he had been able to  _hope_ , to believe that there might be some way out.  _How stupid. What good does_ hope  _do anyone?_ Inevitably, there  _had_ been a point when those desperate pleas no longer made any difference. Why should they now?  _Because… no one’s here. You’re alone._ Is that where his mind went, stripped of all reality, expecting for control to be given back to him without a fight? 

_But I did fight, I did…_

_You_ didn’t.  _You obviously didn’t because you_ enjoyed  _it._

_Please, someone please…_

_I can’t let anyone see me like this._

It was his rational mind sputtering back to life, though its lifespan was short and the part of Davey that cared could care no longer.

The next moment he was aware he rose, quickly, the water pulling him down and him having to fight against it, as he hadn’t been able to fight back against  _them._ He could no longer wait for it to be over, couldn’t bear to wait for the water to claim him inch by malignant inch, couldn’t let the cruelty of life get the upper hand on him again. 

He was tired, so  _tired;_ it was too much energy to even think about how tired he was. 

He felt around for something sharp, blind and with barely held back terror, unable to leave the water, it pulling him back down into its heavy, icy embrace.  _Fall into me_ , it taunted and teased.  _Just fall, I’ll catch you. You don’t have to be here anymore, don’t have to live this anymore._ For Davey, getting out was no longer an option. His life was too far away to grasp. 

And still he resisted, his hands shaking viciously as they grasped tight, like a lifeline, the object that would finally,  _blessedly_ give him release. 

Davey found that last bit of strength that had been tucked away somewhere, put it to good use before he lost himself again.

And there was no looking back.

**FIN**

 


End file.
